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Microsoft Cars
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly
compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer
industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars
that got 1000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's
comments, General Motors issued a press release stating(by
Mr Welch himself): If GM had developed technology like Microsoft,
we would all be drivingcars with the following characteristics:
- For no reason whatsoever your car would
crash twice a day.
- Every time they repainted the lines
on the road you would have to buy a new car.
- Occasionally your car would die on
the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this,
restart and drive on.
- Occasionally, executing a maneuver
such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down
and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to
reinstall the engine.
- Only one person at a time could use
the car, unless you bought"Car95" or "CarNT."
But then you would have to buy more seats.
- Macintosh would make a car that was
powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and
twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per
cent of the roads.
- The oil, water temperature and alternator
warning lights would be replaced by a single "general
car default" warning light.
- New seats would force everyone to have
the same size butt.
- The airbag system would say "Are
you sure?" before going off.
- Occasionally, and for no reason whatsoever,
your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until
you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the
key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
- GM would require all car buyers to
also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now
a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor
want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately
cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by
the Justice Department.
- Everytime GM introduced a new model
car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again
because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
- You'd press the "start"
button to shut off the engine.

Microsoft
Crash
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